Disappointed

Today i got a raise but its under my expectation. And yet one of my sales man tried to snatch project from Trex. Trex owner is my friend. He called me up to ask me is it me the one who is behind this. I feel sad that he don't trust me. But what's more important is that we are talking about joining force in one project which Trex cannot handle on his own. After this incident, he decide not to have any partnership with us. There goes my commission. What a bad day. Only hope there can be someone to share my feelings with.

Don't I care

Today there is a job which need me to climb out and leaving half of my body outside fifth floor without any safety protection. After everything was done one of my men ask me, how can i climb out without even thinking? Don't i fear that i will fall? I ask myself this also. The only answer came to me is that i already lost everything in my life so what's so big deal about dying. I had already dropped to rock bottom. There is only one way for me which is going up again. Win back everything in my life and this time round i will make sure i safe guard them.

Why am i still so quick temper?

Today once again i throw my temper on one of my men for just a small matter. I knew him for about six years and he is my most capable men i have in my team. I just let my temper goes with my emotions. Today is a very tiring job. And what i hate most is that our work is moving in a very slow pace. But why can't i just control my temper. I sure know very well that everyone is already damn tired so is normal for them to complain. I should be more understand. This is also my wrong doing for my marriage. I MUST LEAN HOW TO CONTROL MY TEMPER!

Today feel so tired

Today really no mood to do anything. I miss u so

Why cant be like them?

Today i saw a ah beng with his family on the bus. Even they didnt talk much but u can see that they are in love. Last time i only think of face, name and money.But i end up not even having any of it. Worse still i had lost my loves ones because of that.If u ask me do i regret, i will say of cos i do. If only i can wake up earlier i would had choose my family. What can be worse then cant being together with your loves ones?So if i can turn back the time i will tell u i only want my family and nothing else. Do whatever decision remember to ask yourself is it worth it? If yes then do it and never regret it.

Why do I have such a bad feeling?

I had been wondering how is she getting on before i view her friendster. But why i still feel so bad when i already knew that she love her life now (This is what she wrote in her friendster)? Is it because i can't bear to see her enjoying her life? Of cos not!!! This will be the last thing i will think of. Or maybe i am thinking what we will become if we didn't end up like this. What will be our ending if i didn't hurt her so much by being so unfaithful? What can i do to win back her heart after i had brought so much hurts to her? Go to her and knee down to beg her for a last chance? The urge is strong but there is always some one inside of me holding me back. He will ask, do u think u will put her in a very difficult position or remind her of the past and spoil her life again if u try to do that? I always tell myself that now i have nothing. I want to get success in my life and i have to be very sure that i can give them a happy life then i will do what i always wanted to do. Bi and Baby i miss and love u so.

Today i feel so bad

Today someone let me view her friendster. Makes me feel so bad. I dont even know that my son had grown so much. If only I can turn back the time. I keep asking myself why until now then i start to change? Isn't it too late? Why do I have to wait till I had lost everything then i know that what I had done is wrong, totally wrong? What can I do? Nothing but to let go. She wrote in her friendster that she love her life now. This is what i have to pay for my unfaithful. Only pray hard that she and my son is always happy without me around.